Justin Bieber Roast PREVIEW- lots of Selena Gomez jokes & surprise roaster!
Here’s your exclusive first look of the Justin Bieber Roast (I attended) so this is your SPOILER warning.
Let’s set the scene
A chilly black and blue themed dining hall with sexy model waitresses serving beer, wine, caviar, and Twinkies.
Celebrities in attendance
Sitting front row were Kendall Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, and Jaden Smith. Also in the audience were John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, and Dave Chappelle.
The roasters
First time Roastmaster Kevin Hart did an impressive job wrangling the odd roast lineup: Snoop Dogg, Martha Stewart, Ludaris, Chris D’elia, Natasha Leggero, Shaq, Hannibal Burress, Jeff Ross, and Pete Davidson (SNL). After Kevin was done roasting all the roasters, a choir sang Justin Bieber down from the rafters as an angle who fell from the sky. (Don’t worry!) he was ok, and the roast began.
How did Justin take it?
Looking matured with his slicked back hair, Justin took the roasting like a champ. At times it was like he wasn’t there- looking as if he was daydreaming. Was he listening? Not sure.
Hot topics?
Kevin Hart started the many Martha Stewart-sex jokes saying he titty f*cked her in the dressing room. And the tone for the night was set. The roast was not for the faint at heart, because every politically incorrect topic that could be discussed… was. Everything from Ferguson, ISIS, missing airplanes, George Zimmerman, Ebola, Bruce Jenner, Jesus, Selena Gomez and more. Not to mentioned all the mistakes Justin has made over the past few years, were beat into the ground (egging, peeing in a bucket, reckless driving in Miami, strip clubs, getting arrested, loud parties, a Brazilian prostitute, and weed!)
Those 4 Selena Gomez jokes
First host Kevin Hart took the first jab at Selena saying she couldn’t be there tonight, because she didn’t want to be. Big laugh from Justin on that one.
Second, Natasha Leggero joked that Selena Gomez is the least lucky famous Selena because had to have sex with Justin.
Next, Chris D’elia joked about Orlando Bloom f*cking Selena Gomez so hard (something, something) and had to say it for her fans.
Finally, Jeff Ross joked that Biebs broke up with Selena because she grew a mustache before he did. (UGH) And Mexicans are still doing the jobs we don’t want to do… have sex with Justin Bieber. Jeff also poked fun at JB “dating” Kendall and meeting her on “OkStupid”, and Khloe is the only man left in the Kardashian family.
OMG moments
1. Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) made a surprise cameo to not roast, but PRAISE Justin for all his wrongdoings.
2. Every time there was a Bruce Jenner joke it was uncomfortable in the room with two of his daughters sitting front row.
3. Snoop Dogg used the N word (literally) about 32 times (high and drunk BTW).
4. Martha Stewart took all her prison + sex jokes like a champ and dished many of her own. My favorite was her giving Bieber prison advice to make a shank and kill a bitch (Shaq’s Mom) just as Martha did.
5. Justin ended the night giving his rebuttal to the roasters and jabbing them back. THEN! He gave a heartfelt “I’m sorry” and “thank you” speech that earned him a standing ovation. *insert clapping emoji*
The roast airs on Comedy Central March 30th at 10pm.